When Fics Go Bad: The Blair Fic Project
by Rozbabe and Mad Cow
Summary: We're baaaack! What happens when we're left alone with Jamie??


Moans and groans could be heard from all of the way down the hall.   
Jamie, Rozbabe, and Mad Cow fell to the ground, laying there for a minute, panting, wiping sweat from their bodies, and letting their sore muscles relax before untangling their entwined limbs.   
"I've never done it like that before," Gasped Mad Cow.   
"It was the best I've ever done it, and I've been doing it with my sisters for a long time," Admitted Jamie.   
"You're awesome, Rozzy," Mad Cow told her.   
Rozbabe preened. "I am good at Twister, aren't I? I almost went to the Twister-lympics last year, but some guy pulled a pulled a Double half triple whammy with eggs on the side, sunny side up, hold to the 8th power with a twist. Long story short, I ended up pulling a muclse in my pinky and couldn't play for 2 months."   
Jamie and Mad Cow nodded, pretending to know what a 'Double half triple whammy with eggs on the side, sunny side up, hold to the 8th power with a twist' was.   
"So what do we do now?" Mad Cow asked.   
Jamie sighed. "We've already played Twister, Monopoly, Spit, Speed, Egyptian, Backgammon, Bladerdash, Scatergories, Pictionary, and Strip Poker, which by the way, I KNOW was rigged, because the odds that I would be down to my boxers and neither of you have even removed a sock is very, very slim."   
Rozbabe and Mad Cow grinned innocently. "Who us?" Mad Cow asked, in her sweetest tone.   
"We would never do that," Roz lied, crossing her fingers behind her back. "It's so...juvenile!"   
Just then, a light bulb went off over Mad Cows head. She reached up grabbed it, and stuffed it in her backpack. "I've been needing one of those," She remarked. "I was almost out of self-lighting bulbs. Anyway, why don't we go toilet paper Tylers house?"   
"Yeah!!" Rozbabe cheered. Mad Cow looked at her.   
"That excited, huh?" she asked with a grin. "Well then, lets go."   
The girls, and Jamie, set off for Tyler's house.   
"To get to Tylers house, you have to cross the big, scary woods, right?" Rozbabe asked, looking kind of scared.   
Mad Cow sighed. "Yes Roz, you scardy cat."   
"Hey!" Rozbabe yelled at Mad Cow. "I'm no scardy cat. And if you call me that again,I'll be forced to call you Maddy, which, you just happen to hate." She said with an evil grin on her face. "Besides, I've got Jamie to protect me."   
Mad Cow swallowed hard. "O.K. I won't call you a scardy cat. And also, what makes you think Jamie is going to protect you? It's obvious he likes me more."   
"Nu-uh! Jamie likes ME better!"   
"You wish, babe. I"m SO much more his type."   
" Well, He still likes me better."   
"ME"   
"ME"   
"ME"   
"HEY! If you girls don't stop fighting, I"m leaving you both alone in these creepy woods. OK?" Jamie stated. Both girls looked at each other.   
"Ok. We promise to stop," they both said.   
*rustling sound*   
"Hey, did you here that?" Mad Cow said.   
"Hear what?" Jamie and Roz said.   
"The *rusting sound* Didn't you see the **? That means the was a rustling sound!" Mad Cow said, sounding tired.   
All of a sudden, out of the darkness, they see...   
"It's a dog!" Rozzy yelled.   
"It's MY dog!" Mad Cow replied, and reached down to scratch her dog. "Cookie-Wookie-Snookie-Pookie, how did you get into my computer?" Mad Cow cooed in a strangely high voice.   
Both Jamie and Rozbabe gave each other looks. Mad Cow, who usually spoke in a very low voice, had somehow raised it three octaves, and was talking in some weird cross between gibberish and baby talk.   
"Maddy-Waddy-Saddy-Paddy," Rozbabe mocked. "Why don't we get your dog back where she belongs before you freak me out even more?"   
Mad Cow ignored Robabe.   
Rozbabe gave Jamie a pleading look. He sighed, and put his hand on Mad Cow's shoulder. "Mad Cow," He whispered softly. "How old is your dog?"   
"Thwee," Mad Cow cooed.   
He leaded over and whispered in her ear, "Well, you better send her back because honey, what we're gonna do next is gonna be R."   
Mad Cow's eyes lit up, and she snapped her fingers. With that, Cookie the dog dissappeared.   
Jamie took his hand of Mad Cow's shoulder and shook it. "Man, after this I am taking a really, really long bath. I feel unpure."   
Rozbabe fell over laughing. "Good one Jamie!" She cried.   
Mad Cow looked less that thrilled. "That. Was. Not. Funny." Jamie was laughing now too.   
"Yes, it was." He told her. "But lets just forget it and get to Tyler's, ok?" Both girls nodded.   
The trio was off again, walking through the creepy, scarey woods, loaded up with toilet paper. They had been going along when Rozbabe saw somthing run through the woods.   
"Did you all see that?" The youngest of the group asked.   
"You mean that big dude carring the long, sharp knife?" Mad Cow asked.   
"Yeah. That was it!" Roz said happily, knowing she wasn't going insane (But then again, it was too late for her to GO insane...)   
"Um, guys," Jamie said,"Shouldn't we be worried about that big dude carring the long, sharp knife, oh, I don't know, trying to kill us!"   
The girls looked at each other. "Hmm. I guess you're right." Maddy said.   
"AGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Roz screamed "He's got me!"   
"Who's got you?" Jamie cried   
"It's..it's.."   
"IT'S THE FAIR DITCH!" Mad Cow yelled, referring to the Category 466 legendary 'Fair Ditch', named so because he would sneak up on authors, and steal their writing abilities, giving them the curse known as writers block. However, he was really slow, so authors could get away before he killed them.   
Rozbabe started to scream as the Fair Ditch, holding her by the hair, drained her of her writers ability.   
Rozbabe fell to the ground with a scream. "DON'T...HAVE...ANY.IDEAS!!" She wailed.   
"Why you..." Mad Cow began, and began to charge the Fair Ditch, putting all of her weight behind her run, proving why they called her 'Mad Cow' and not 'Happy Bunny' or anything along the lines of that.   
But Jamie stopped her. "I'm the one without the author powers," Jamie told her. "I'll save Rozzy."   
So with a swift punch, Jamie knocked the Fair Ditch down. Then, with his foot on the Fair Ditch's chest, he pulled off the Fair Ditch's mask. It was...   
"Alex?" Jamie asked in awe.   
The Fair Ditch, AKA Alex, didn't say anything.   
Jamie glared down at Alex. "Give Rozbabe back her writing abilities back, or I'll tell City Council!"   
Alex paled. "I'll do anything! I'll give her back her abilities, I promise! Just don't tell City Council...it's about time for them to decided whether to replace me or not, but if they find that I was stalking young writers in the forest of Category 466 at night, they might decided not to renew me!"   
Mad Cow spoke up. "Then remove the writers block!"   
Alex sighed. "Fine, fine!" And suddenly, all of the IaHB writers with writers block could go back to writing their fics (This is a hint everyone...stop reading and start writing! ;).   
So once he gave back all of the author powers, Alex was content to crawl along on his sad pathetic little way.   
And so Jamie, Rozzy, and Mad Cow headed off to go to Tyler's house.   
When they got there, and started to T-P his house, Mad Cow looked inside one of the windows.   
" GUYS! Tyler is here!!" She wispered at Rozzy and Jamie. "And he's with a GIRL. And it's NOT VAL!" Mad Cow started to laugh.   
Rozzy pushed her way to the front. "Oh, my God. They are MAKING OUT!! This girl has long blond hair...," Roz started to laugh, too.   
"Is it that Heather chick he went to Homcoming with?" Jamie asked.   
"Noo..it's it's.." Roz started   
"BROOKE," they all yelled.   
"EWWWWWWWW!" Rozbabe screamed. "That is SOSOSO gross! It's like, cradle robbing."   
Mad Cow gave her an look. "No, it's not. Besides, you know what this means?"   
"No," Jamie and Rozbabe both said looking at her.   
"Hello? It means that VAL is going to be upset. She and Tyler can't make those stupid Goo Goo Eyes at each other."   
"Oh." the two others said.   
Now, Brooke and Tyler, after hearing the noise, had come outside to see what it was. Tyler, remembering his past exsperinces with Mad Cow and Rozbabe, was frightened.   
"It's you two! Those evil girl authors!" Tyler screamed. He started to cry. "Make them stay away from me," he wimpered to Brooke.   
"YEAH! Stay away from my Tyler-Whiler! Or else," Brooke taunted them.   
All three looked at her. "Or else, what?" Mad Cow asked her.   
"Or...Or...Or I'll make you do PAPERWORK!" The young blond threatened.   
"You're annoying me." Rozbabe said. "And you know what happens to people who annoy me, don't?"   
Brooke looked at her. "N..N..No..," She said in a small voice.   
Rozzy looked at her, an evil glare in her eye. "They get..written out of the story."   
Brooke yelled. "NOOOOO"   
Rozbabe snapped her fingers, and Brooke and Tyler disappered.   
"Thank you! They are SO annoying!" Maddy and Jamie said together.   
"Ya know, this story needs a happy ending." Roz announced.   
"You mean, like.." Maddy said, slying looking over at Jamie.   
"Oh, yeah." Roz said, and smiled.   
Both girls looked over at Jamie. He sighed.   
"Oh,no. Not again," Jamie said.   
The girls giggled. His screams could be heard all over the woods.   



End file.
